Studies

Sitting in the library trying to catch up on school work. Yom Kippur is coming up so I'll lose another 2 days if work. I sometimes wonder if the professors conspire with each other to drive their students insane. I'm so tired and all I want to do is sleep. I can't seem to focus on my schoolwork. I'm really wondering if obtaining a masters degree was the right decision. I really have to admit the course work is so much more difficult than I ever could have imagined. Plus late nights of studying and taking care of Leah packing the few things I have here to move and all the paperwork involved with that. I truly don't know how single mums do it. It is not as easy as some people think. Even with the help I have it is a difficult job. I feel like I need to spend time with her because I'm gone most of the day and doing that makes me get even more behind with my studies. It's a vicious cycle that I need to stop and get my focus back on my work. My brain is all over the place with this. Ugh. Hopefully I will get better at time management soon. Guess I'll walk over to the hospital and meet Elea for lunch maybe he has some advice for how to better get everything I need to accomplished. 

Exhaustion.

Have you every felt like you just can't move? You want to curl up and sleep yet things in life stop you from just that?  Well  that's my night tonight. I've got a kidney infection so I feel like poo. I took a nap and Leah fell asleep with me. Well bad thing cause she is wide awake now. I've been packing working on assignments and sorting out my life. We move into our lovely brownstone in Manhattan in a lovely Jewish community this week. I'm trying to get prepared for that move, do my classes, and be a good mum. I know something has to give sooner or later. I'm already behind on reading assignments and am way behind on where I want to be on papers and projects and its only going into the 2nd week of classes. How do other mum's do this?  Maybe my multitasking skills suck. I don't know but this is hard. I don't have help on the weekends maybe it's something I need to consider. Any advice is welcome. Leah and I would appreciate it. 

Rosh Hashanah

It's the Jewish new year. Rosh hashanah. I was taught by my grandfather that this was when G-d opened the book of life and decided who would love and who would die in the next year. Brisket and apples with honey, pomegranate and raisin challah. 

I love the food of my heritage. There is nothing like it. Being kosher at times can be hard. Especially when, like me you have been non-kosher. I love bacon. Well I have found a happy medium with turkey bacon and sausage. I always kept the dairy part of the kosher lifestyle for the most part. 

I am finding reconnecting with my faith and Jewish lifestyle has been a blessing. Temple meant so much to me this year. Being part of it with Leah and knowing that I have another year here, for now. I have truly been blessed by G-d and I will never forget all he has done for me. 

Back to school

It's official I am a master's student. I started my media studies/journalism courses at NYU. I kissed Leah goodbye this morning and headed out for my first day. It wasn't easy leaving her behind but in the end I know this is going to help both of us. Classes are going to be difficult but I enjoy a challenge and I intend to keep my track record of over achiever all the way. My first class is digital media studies. Our first assignment is to do a digital presentation on a current event. I'm not sure if I will go the route of sports or something edgier. I am thinking conspiracy theory maybe. I've been reading a lot on that lately and considering doing a conspiracy theory based project on Syria. We'll see I will post it when I get it compiled. Well of to bed I go see you soon. Oh my other class is a history if journalism. Should be fun. Tell you more about the others as I get to them. XO 

Challah for all

I am so excited Rosh Hashanah is this Wednesday at sundown til Friday at sundown. It is a truly amazing time. It is a time of new or rebirth. We atone for our sins and start anew. I am so thankful that G-d allows us to start anew every year. To wipe the slat clean and allows us to begin again. I know I have not been perfect and I have committed many sins throughout the last year but I take comfort in know that my G-d can forgive me for them even if man can't. We as Jewish people are taught that if someone asks for forgiveness we are to give it freely. It is not out job to judge another man for his works and deeds only God can do that. So I ask forgiveness at this time to anyone I may have hurt and I also offer forgiveness to anyone who has hurt me. May we start anew this year and live a better life than we had in the past. 

Love this

Life gone wild

So I am in the process of getting us a home of our own.  Hopefully the paperwork will be ready to sign this week.  It is lovely a 3 story with a beautiful courtyard in the back for Miss Leah.  It is in a very safe and very nice part of the city and I am so excited about moving there.  I am finding the jewish community here to be rather lovely and I am truly for the first time embracing who I am.  No one ever seemed to understand me and what I needed and wanted in life.  I realized none of that matters I need to do what is right for me and for Leah and if people do not like it tough.  I can not make others happy only myself and do my best to make sure Leah has the best in life.  I ran into my ex Eleazar and we have chatted and spent time together.  It's amazing the difference a year makes.  While he is still very deeply rooted in his Jewish and Israeli faith I have found he has become a bit more americanized.  He looks it more.  Well it's funny cause I have only seen him in his doctor scrubs.  It is just nice being friends again and being able to spend time having fun like we used to.  No pressure to be anything more.  I have learned a lot in the last year and so has he.  My heart has been broken more than once and I promised myself that I will guard it tightly so as not to have anyone else hurt me in that way. 
I am so happy being in the city again.  I love it here.  I can not wait to start my classes and move forward in my career.  Going to school full time and being a single mom I am sure will be hard but I have good friends and a wonderful new community here and I am so excited to finally move forward.